the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
