Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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