So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
