I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
