I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
