I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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