we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
