My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
