Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's rum buckets o'clock
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