Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
