Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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