Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
