just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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