once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
