I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
