i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
