Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
