Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
