So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
