Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
