I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
