Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
