oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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