I can tuck mytits in my pants
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
