So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
