That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
