woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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