I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
