Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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