my phone needs a breathalizer
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
