Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
