is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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