i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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