It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
