In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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