Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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