First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
