Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
