I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
