Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
