I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Oh god it's open bar.
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