In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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