Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
