god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
