thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
