I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
