if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
