You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Someone signed my nipple.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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