I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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