Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
